Facing (and Fearing)
Greatness appeals to the future. If I can be firm enough to-day to do right, and scorn eyes, I must have done so much right before as to defend me now. Be it how it will, do right now. Always scorn appearances, and you always may. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am breaking the tradition here and will be writing my answer in another color under the questions as I want to highlight what they are a bit more. It is also a bit weird as they are somehow around houses and being attached. I really wonder what that is all about?!
Trusting intuition and making decisions based on it is the most important activity of the creative artist and entrepreneur. If you are facing (and fearing) a difficult life decision, ask yourself these three questions:
1) “What are the costs of inaction?” Fears of acting are easily and immediately articulated by our “lizard brains” what if I fail? what if I look stupid? If you systematically and clearly list the main costs of inaction, they will generally overshadow your immediate fears.
The costs of inaction are pain and suffering, stagnation and boredom, weight gain and sadness. The fears of acting are the unknown, risk, loss, pain, suffering, weight gain, sadness and judgement. The fear of acting is also possibly finding out that the action didn't solve what was causing the inaction! Wow wasn't that scary! Now from a very practical standpoint in my life the cost of inaction two times in the past 20 years...
1. Financial loss-the first time insignificant but more painful in that I was conned and used and abused by the loss. Essentially I was a pansy. The second time was significant-MAJOR-HUGE-MASSIVE but oddly while initially more painful (imagine the ripping off of a band-aid) it is less painful in the long run. We were abused and discriminated against but the loss came at the end.
2. Emotional toll- the first time significant hit to my self-esteem. I actually let someone with lesser values act superior to me and didn't do anything to keep the peace. The second time Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
3. Physical Loss-In both cases my health took a nose dive. I visited the doctor more often, faced viral and bacterial infection, ate poorly and in general was not physically, emotionally or mentally healthy.
Overall inaction is not good.
This question does not ask but I want to answer the following what does action do?!
1. It doesn't necessarily give you back financial health but it does stop the flow of loss. It does give you the ability to start making changes.
2. It gives the right, the ability, and the belief your mental health and your emotional health are important and YOU are important. It might take awhile but by acting and not fearing you become you. 1 year post action in both cases I was an incredibly healthier person mentally and physically!
2) “What kind of person do I want to be?”
I want to be generous, kind, happy, believable, volunteering, growing, evolving, nurturing, teaching, learning, and most of all reading.
I want to be the person that is willing to stop at a national park to see and learn about the nation and if in another country about the world.
I want to be the person who can laugh at herself.
3) “In the event of failure, could I generate an alterative positive outcome?” Imagine yourself failing to an extreme. What could you learn or do in that situation to make it a positive experience? We are generally so committed to the results we seek at the outset of a task or project that we forget about all the incredible value and experience that comes from engaging the world proactively, learning, and improving our circumstances as we go along.
I was committed to the situation trying to make a positive outcome in two major situations both to my misery and to my poor health and the detriment of many around me. In admitting failure and loss in the first case by admitting a relationship was not a good thing and that I could not fix it nor make it something it wasn't (i.e. force an addict to be something other than that) so removing myself from the situation and moving on was the action causing many more actions which were hard and fearful but ultimately positive. In admitting failure and loss on the second we identified all the learnings and good that were involved but that in order to move forward we had to stop looking back.
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